Dancing

Goal Post #8

Dancing is my favorite way to move. I love to dance. I love dancing. With zero training and minor skill, I’m certain it isn’t interesting to watch; but turn on some music, give me some space, and I can dance for half an hour without stopping. Very few indoor activities make me happier.

When alone while putting tables and chairs away at work, I sneak in some dancing. There’s more and more space to move, to fill that space with movement, my movements, to fill that space with me. If someone walked in, of course I'd be startled and a bit uncomfortable but not really that embarrassed.

How do I know this? Once I was alone in the kitchen at a party, presumably to get wine, but in reality dancing my heart out to Ophelia by the Lumineers. By the way, could someone please choreograph and produce a ballet based on this album? It is beyond my skill set annd I desperately want to see that!

Back to the party. The stairs were open and very close so I knew I’d hear if anyone came up. Little did I know, someone was just outside the kitchen on the deck. That person walked in on me mid-spin. Of course I stopped, but more from a sense of ownership than embarrassment - I was dancing for myself, not an audience.

You know how a toddler fills up every space they inhabit? It’s one of the reasons they’re so exhausting but, also one of the reasons they’re so endearing. Growing up is partly learning to take up less space. We learn how to need less from others, to inhale less emotional atmosphere, to get smaller as we grow bigger.

Many talented writers have talked about how women are encouraged to take up even less space physically. S. Chemaly; L. Argintar ; and notably, Roxane Gay in her memoir Hunger. At this point in my life I'm re-learning how to take up space, how to fill a room, and I like it. I enjoy conquering the whole house when it's just me and the dogs. Owning the big empty room at work, the empty kitchen at a party.

Over the past year or so, my age has been an interesting component of the changes I’ve made. Forty is only two years away. Forty is officially middle aged; forty looms but isn't frightening; forty beckons and compels. Right now, I feel my perspective of myself and of life changing.

When I was around twelve, I learned by watching my parents that a “midlife crisis” does not have to mean some extended adult temper-tantrum fueled by the fear of death and regret. Their years leading up to forty and beyond were more about assessment and transformation. About figuring out what was really important to them and trying to live more attuned to those values. Contrary to their extroverted/introverted natures, my mother did most of this internally while my father processed a lot of it externally. But both of them did the work, and it has influenced the rest of their lives.  

Culturally, the narrative of a mid-life crisis is damaging for two reasons. First, it gives certain people permission to act poorly based on their age. Second, and more tragically, it erases the vast majority of stories about people who quietly navigated this segment of life with grace.

For my part, assessment has started by acknowledging previously unrecognized emotional and psychological damage. My transformation so far has literally been physical, but I’m hopeful less visible aspects are also emerging.

One of these hidden aspects is spiritual. It actually started a while ago with a You Made it Weird podcast episode about Passover. Learning how these four questions at Passover correspond to the steps of a mythic hero's journey and the four gospels opened the New Testament story of Jesus for me in a new way.

Earlier this year one of my sisters introduced me to the Liturgists. Listening to them discuss religion and spirituality reminds me of what C.S. Lewis said about friendship being born at the moment one person says to another "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." The podcast lead me to their guided meditations, specifically Vapor.* Meditation is something I'm taking very slowly. It took months to feel comfortable even taking five minutes when I'm feeling stressed or want to relax before bed. Practicing longer is something I've done a couple of times and am still growing into.

No one’s life is as simple as a meme, but figuring out how we became who we are and stretching past that to grow and change in new ways is partly about learning what makes us happy.

Find the activity, the hobby, the work that gives you purpose, that makes you tick, that illuminates your soul.

Find a way to move your body that fills you with joy and do it as often as possible. (even if that movement is running 😉). Find your dancing shoes.

*if you're interested in something shorter, try this intro or 5 min reset. Meditation apps and subscription services are everywhere and if you're feeling overwhelmed you're not alone. Hopefully articles like this can help you choose what works best.