Thoughts on Thinness
Side Post #2 Phantom fat and the magic number
The Magic Number
Saturday, November 10, 2018 I went below my secret goal weight and kind of freaked out. Let me explain. Starting this process, I told myself the goal was to lose thirty-three pounds and at least 10% body fat. The ideal weight for my height is between thirty and forty pounds less than I weighed two years ago, so these were reasonable goals.
But, when I finally hit those marks it was fine. Like, I was glad, but didn't feel a sense of real accomplishment like when I finished writing Gently or even the rush of excitement I'd felt when I saw I'd lost twenty pounds. Loosing those thirty-three pounds was a good thing, a goal achieved, and I was happy with my success. Just a little sad I'd somehow missed the endorphin high.
Then without warning, my weight fell below the number I'd hidden in my head. My secret goal weight, if you will. When I saw I'd lost thirty-five pounds reflected on the scale it was like winning the lottery. I finally felt the excitement. Why was thirty-five my magic number? From the rush I got loosing twenty, I was clearly super happy with that level of progress, so why wasn't thirty-three enough? What lies hidden inside those two extra pounds?
In an attempt to solve this mystery I conducted some extra research on ideal weight ranges for height and body frame. This turned out to be almost as confusing as burpees. For my entire life I thought I had a medium frame based on the longest finger and thumb method. Turns out, if you ask a doctor I have a small frame because my wrist are only six inches around and I am taller than 5' 5" but... what part of the wrist are we measuring? Predictably, they don't specify. At the smallest point, my wrists measure six inches but around the "knobs" the number jumps back into medium frame range.
Things get even more confusing if we use my elbow to determine frame size because, guess what? medium again. Part of the trouble is all of this information comes from different sources making it difficult to create a consistent or even cohesive picture.
If we use this site and calculate my ideal weight twice: first with a thin frame then with a medium frame. Take those two numbers added to my ideal weight without considering my frame or age, then average all three; we arrive at a number thirty-five pounds less than what I weighed when I started in the spring of 2017.
Mystery solved.
Just kidding, there is way too much math involved.
Phantom fat
Another strange thing about our bodies and brains I can't seem to figure out is something I call phantom fat. This has been bugging me even more than the concept of ideal weight. While I was heavier, even when I felt every pound, my mental picture of myself was smaller. Most of the time I even felt thinner than I actually was. Then, when I'd catch a glimpse of myself in a store window or the background of a photo it was like "Who's that? Oh, it's me. Wow."
For over six months now it's been the opposite. My body feels heavier than I know I am. When I catch sight of myself unexpectedly now it's "Wait -who's that? Oh, it's me!" My body looks now the way I used to see it in my mind, but somehow feels heavier than it did before loosing the wight. Weird, right?
It just occurred to me that this might explain how I felt the summer of 2011 when I started swimming three times a week and gained ten pounds. Maybe it was muscle, maybe it only felt gross because I hadn't adjusted to that yet. But none of that explains why all my clothes got super tight over those two months.
The final strange thing about both fat and the magic number has to do with maintenance. While I've maintained the weight loss since November, it can't (and shouldn't) be a fixed number. Maintenance for me means staying within a five pound range. The nice/strange thing is, whenever my scale slides above either goal weight (original or secret) I am totally fine. No worry, no freak-outs, just "Oh, okay." If it jumped back to less than thirty pounds lost I might get concerned, but I don't know. Right now it's really nice feeling comfortable with whatever the scale says.
The Magic Number
Saturday, November 10, 2018 I went below my secret goal weight and kind of freaked out. Let me explain. Starting this process, I told myself the goal was to lose thirty-three pounds and at least 10% body fat. The ideal weight for my height is between thirty and forty pounds less than I weighed two years ago, so these were reasonable goals.
But, when I finally hit those marks it was fine. Like, I was glad, but didn't feel a sense of real accomplishment like when I finished writing Gently or even the rush of excitement I'd felt when I saw I'd lost twenty pounds. Loosing those thirty-three pounds was a good thing, a goal achieved, and I was happy with my success. Just a little sad I'd somehow missed the endorphin high.
Then without warning, my weight fell below the number I'd hidden in my head. My secret goal weight, if you will. When I saw I'd lost thirty-five pounds reflected on the scale it was like winning the lottery. I finally felt the excitement. Why was thirty-five my magic number? From the rush I got loosing twenty, I was clearly super happy with that level of progress, so why wasn't thirty-three enough? What lies hidden inside those two extra pounds?
In an attempt to solve this mystery I conducted some extra research on ideal weight ranges for height and body frame. This turned out to be almost as confusing as burpees. For my entire life I thought I had a medium frame based on the longest finger and thumb method. Turns out, if you ask a doctor I have a small frame because my wrist are only six inches around and I am taller than 5' 5" but... what part of the wrist are we measuring? Predictably, they don't specify. At the smallest point, my wrists measure six inches but around the "knobs" the number jumps back into medium frame range.
Things get even more confusing if we use my elbow to determine frame size because, guess what? medium again. Part of the trouble is all of this information comes from different sources making it difficult to create a consistent or even cohesive picture.
If we use this site and calculate my ideal weight twice: first with a thin frame then with a medium frame. Take those two numbers added to my ideal weight without considering my frame or age, then average all three; we arrive at a number thirty-five pounds less than what I weighed when I started in the spring of 2017.
Mystery solved.
Just kidding, there is way too much math involved.
Another strange thing about our bodies and brains I can't seem to figure out is something I call phantom fat. This has been bugging me even more than the concept of ideal weight. While I was heavier, even when I felt every pound, my mental picture of myself was smaller. Most of the time I even felt thinner than I actually was. Then, when I'd catch a glimpse of myself in a store window or the background of a photo it was like "Who's that? Oh, it's me. Wow."
For over six months now it's been the opposite. My body feels heavier than I know I am. When I catch sight of myself unexpectedly now it's "Wait -who's that? Oh, it's me!" My body looks now the way I used to see it in my mind, but somehow feels heavier than it did before loosing the wight. Weird, right?
It just occurred to me that this might explain how I felt the summer of 2011 when I started swimming three times a week and gained ten pounds. Maybe it was muscle, maybe it only felt gross because I hadn't adjusted to that yet. But none of that explains why all my clothes got super tight over those two months.
The final strange thing about both fat and the magic number has to do with maintenance. While I've maintained the weight loss since November, it can't (and shouldn't) be a fixed number. Maintenance for me means staying within a five pound range. The nice/strange thing is, whenever my scale slides above either goal weight (original or secret) I am totally fine. No worry, no freak-outs, just "Oh, okay." If it jumped back to less than thirty pounds lost I might get concerned, but I don't know. Right now it's really nice feeling comfortable with whatever the scale says.
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