word wrecker

We had time. Time to be upset when he was diagnosed, time to be sad with him while he was sick, time to say goodbye. There was this moment in November when I realized I'd been low-key sad since spring, not depressed, but glum. It took all of five minutes to figure out that timeline. We learned George was sick just before Easter. Of course I've been sad. Even after all that time, I expected to fall apart when he actually had to go. To be unable to stop crying and need to call in sick for a day or two. Based on other periods of grief (grandparents dying, my marriage ending), I figured I knew how this would go down. After all, George was the one constant when everything changed in my life, then changed again, and again. My fuzzy little buddy. But none of that happened. My random Tuesday without work had been planned in advance for a different reason, but when we realized over the weekend things were getting too painful, the day was waiting. It seemed ready-made for a visit to

It's been a week. A week without George and we are all very sad. While it's been enlightening watching my own (sometimes random) responses to grief, it's easier to focus on Mac, the pup left behind, to make sure he's coping. Let's back up. Undoubtedly, Mac knew George was sick before us humans with our limited sense of smell. A little over a year ago, George was diagnosed with his first of two UTI's (early symptoms of Cushing's). We finally figured out what was going on just before Easter, and late this past summer George started his slow decline. Around that time, while sitting next to George on the couch, I noticed Mac watching a sleeping George with super anxious eyes. Lemme tell you, this about killed me. By the middle of winter, however, it seemed like he couldn't care less. Mac frequently ran over George, sometimes knocking him down, tried eating George's food, and constantly stole George's new Christmas toy. Of course, George was to

Goal Post #20 follow-up Turns out, vacation and a family wedding are not great for re-establishing routine. With that said, I still managed to do yoga and planks more than I expected. The discouraging news is I ended up doing about as many planks and yoga sessions in October as September. The encouraging news is I walked and biked more this month than September, so while the goal wasn't officially reached, overall I moved more and that's a good thing.      so close! 

Goal Post #20 intention: re-start daily exercise This blog has mainly been about how little positive changes add up over time. The opposite is also true. Letting myself go a bit over the summer preceded my worst illness in over a decade which snowballed into my back going out for the first time in two years. September was quite a month. Would better exercise habits this summer have kept me from getting a bacterial infection in my throat? Of course not. But the week of forced inactivity probably wouldn't have hurt my back as badly if I had been in better shape before the mandatory time out. Of course I have reasons. There are always excuses. The heat this summer, the lack of good bike trails around our new home, no more garage so every time I want to ride it means hauling my bike up from the basement, etc, etc, on and on. But all of that is nonsense. We're still a short, if a little longer than before, ride to a beautiful bike trail. The heat last summer only kept me ins

Recently I started looking back over my posts covering the beginning of my journey making better health choices. One thing stood out right away: they are difficult to navigate, y'all! To help with this, I'm arranging them in chronological order here. If you're at all interested in how I went from 40lbs overweight and (if family medical history is an indicator) pre-diabetic, to my current state feeling healthier and happier in my skin - here are fourteen posts chronicling the process. Buildup Beginning Burnout Body Composition Calories, again Complexity Drinks and Digestion Dancing Exercise Excitement Eating Adjustments Flow Flower Grandchildren Gently Yes, I intentionally did an alphabet thing. Not sure why now, but it gave me a place to start when coming up with titles so I'm standing by that decision. There is one thing I would change about these posts if I could. Before starting two and a half years ago I would visit a doctor to give me more t

Side Post #4 In another post , I mention how children literally suck all of the energy out of grownups leaving very little left for self-care. I also speculate that maybe my health deteriorated during the year and a half I worked teaching 2 ½ - 3 year olds because of the toxic work environment. This might not have helped but, turns out, children really are that all-consuming. My sister and her twin 29 month-old humans visited our house Wednesday-Saturday a few weeks ago. I was exhausted in less than 24 hours. There are only two of them, so for most of the time they were vastly outnumbered by grownups. But. But. But. We were all slayed except my superhero sister who has adapted to survive on minimal rest. Of course the twins took naps and went to bed before 9pm, but that left barely enough time to hang out and catch up without constant interruption and distraction. Having them here to visit was the most fun ever. We missed them immediately. It was also a good reminder at how qui